This year’s progress has been slow. I thought I had a big business idea to get off the ground but it very much didn’t happen. My online tutorial sales have hit the dirt along with my motivation to make more. Physical sales this tourism season are less than half what they’ve been in years past, presumably because customers are not as interested in copper as I am. I want to move, to change, to evolve into something else, but the customers aren’t digging it. Even at work, I am not getting as many Web Design students as I used to, and we’re not sure if there’s anything to be done to compete with the free resources online. The beautiful, sprawling, unpredictable internet that has made my life’s work possible has also begun to crush it.
It’s felt… hopeless. Even a proposal deadine for a possible second book, market invitations, and opportunities to improve sales, haven’t been the motivation to get me doing those things. The market saturation makes me feel like I’m screaming into the void. And the fibromyalgia isn’t helping. How can I stay relevant when I can’t even stay awake on the weekends?! There’s always something stopping me, and it’s been hard to fight the inertia of staying still.
Today I was procrastinating by cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, sweeping the living room – all things I definitely never do voluntarily – when my brother texted. Did I want to go for a quick swim? It was 10:30am and he was trying to wear himself out before a graveyard shift. I perked up, grabbed my suit, and went. And – it was glorious.
I hadn’t been in the ocean yet this year, and as soon as my feet hit the water, I couldn’t stop smiling. It is just so liberating to get into that Atlantic. It feels free and soul-renewing and right.
After a quick walk along the sand, I headed home and … had a nap. Of course I did. Were you expecting a miracle? Two hour naps are the norm when your sleep pattern looks like a zipper.
When I woke, however, I did manage to put one foot in front of the other and go to the studio. I have a specific set of things I need to do this week – I have vacation from work and it mustn’t be wasted – but I felt like I needed to get back into the groove again, so instead I eased myself into using wire after a long time by working on these organic clay/filigree pendants I had left half-finished for months.
And, although I had to force myself to start, and despite the pain in my hands, I have to admit that after a while, I did find the groove again.
It helped, a lot, to have a productive afternoon. I even finished up this huge piece that had been glued up and waiting to be completed for most of a year:
I’m not sure what my point is. I guess it’s just… sometimes you have to push through.